This was in response to one of Chuck Wendig’s Flash Fiction Challenges.
You can find the challenge link here.

Chuck put together another (10 from each category) challenge. This one is based around ‘the motif.’

MOTIFS: SUBGENRE: SETTING
My wife, the beautiful and wonderful ‘K,’ gave me my challenge this time via Chuck’s Challenge concepts.
She presented me with: “Snakes : Comic Fantasy : A Restaurant in Space”

I greatly enjoyed writing this strange little ditty – probably because when I’m old I’m going to be just like this – telling stories about being in space and how I knew James A. Garfield (after he got shot) – thanks Chuck.

–**–**–

I’m not a happy guy. Wife’s dead, dog’s dead, kids don’t visit no more. I really miss ’em I do. Man, I loved that mutt.

I didn’t wanna retire. I liked flying. And ya know what? It don’t matter that I can’t make out much more than colorful blobs about 2 meters in front of me, the damn ships fly themselves now a’days anyway. Plus all these people walkin’ around with them blasted implants makin’ them see better, hear better, hell I even heard one of ’em make yer pecker stand straight as an arrow with nothin’ more than a thought. Wouldn’t that be the nuts on a squirrel? “Come ‘ere Maggie, I got somethin’ for ya.” Then when she comes over I’d make a mental command and just like a viper strike, I’d hit’er in the head with it… HA! Yeah, I think Maggie would’a laughed at that…

Ya see I was a delivery man. Yeah that’s right ya prick, a damn delivery man. And I’m hella proud of it too. I flew a ’78 model F. Sure it was shaped like a dung beetle, mine even smelled like one. It had only them two cramped up seats in the front but damn if it didn’t have lots o’room in the back fer whatever needed haulin’. My old partner Marviss souped up those triple quantum engines to make a round trip in our galaxy in less than half day. Ya heard me right, a ’78 jacked enough to travel over 8.4 billion kilometers, to use yer layman’s ground-walkin’ terms, in less than 12 hours.

I miss my ship, hell I even miss my pardner. I remember this one time we had the weirdest delivery ever.

Me and Marviss had picked up 14,733 genetically engineered snakes down by the Tampa Regional Launch Dock. That’s odd how I remember a detail like that number huh? Yeah whatever – lesee what kinda bizarre crap you remember when yer brain is 118. Anyway they had them snakes in these ‘separate species’ tanks that took forever to load, thank Terran for those union labor stiffs. So by the time we loaded ’em up and were half-way to the drop off point we were starved. We had to take these snakes to help populate some new Mars transplant colony near what was formally known as S229, or ‘The Flaming Star’ nebula. So sure when we hit sub-light angled toward the Gould Belt we were making up for lost time but damned if I had to eat. And Marviss was always hungry, oh did I mention that Marviss was a half Earther half Melottian? Yeah he was from the Belt and knew where to stop off, plus his Melottian side gave him a helluva fast metabolism, considering he was over 9 feet tall, 460 pounds and covered in a thick rubbery rhino-like hide. Did I mention that my ship had two crowded seats? Yeah well imagine him crunched over for his entire career. I saw him last year walkin’ in the park. I said ‘hi.’ He flipped me off. I love that guy.

Anyways we stopped at the “Paco’s Chop Suey and Sushi Bar” off of the inter-galactic trade route 29. Marviss said it was the only place within a few parsecs that sold what he described as ‘human digestible food,’ plus it had a place to keep the ship within visibility of the booths. We did have a full cargo after-all.

He ordered the ‘by the pound Kung Pao Faux Chicken’ while I ordered the ‘Artificial Eel Sushi.’ Again why do I remember that? I dunno, I’m old – screw you. The place was a real greasy spork, but damned if it wasn’t crowded that afternoon. There were all sorts milling around, blabbing on about nonsense. I was always overhearing way too many conversations I had absolutely no interest in. That’s my main curse ya see. I’m overly observant, to a fault, I can’t help but hear all the jabber going on around me, especially in a jammed up place like that restaurant.

Marviss had gone to the can, he always takes a really long time in there, I guess it’s cause he’s so big. But that forced me to hear about the people next to us and their grandson who finally sprouted his third leg, the mix-species couple on our left yelling at their loser teenager in about five different languages, and this scumbag Earther behind me trying to wrangle-up what sounded like a threesome with what looked like two underage, hopefully female, Plataisese, one blue and one dark green, both stacked.

I was just about to say something to him when I heard it; the Ophiophagusi language. Somehow I knew in my bones something bad was up when I heard one say to the other something about “that’s the ship.” Oddly I knew it was my ship they were hissin’ on about.

Before I even turned around I felt the two Ophiophagusi slide toward my table. All I could think of was “why does it take Marviss so damn long to drop the bomb. He’s always in the damn crapper when I need him.” They were giants, easily 11 or 12 feet tall with their huge neck-backs extended makin’ ’em look even bigger. Before the biggest one even said anything he popped out his long fangs.

“We’re here to free our comradesssss,” he said as his forked tongue slipped in-and-out of his lips.

“The Earth snakes? Really?” I stuttered.

“Yesssss, they are our brethren none-the-lessssss.”

They are damn scary, usually hired thugs, but I never said they were smart. But there was literally no talkin’ to ’em. All I could say was, “Just don’t take my ship,” and handed over the keys.

Quicker than lightning they grabbed my keys and slid out the front door, just in time for Marviss to finally come out of the john. Seeing that everyone in the restaurant was obviously distracted, including myself, he said, “what’s what?” All I could do was point at the two gigantic Ophiophagusi by the back of our ship with hunnerds’o Earth snakes hanging all off of ’em. Looked like more-than-a-few of the tanks had broken in-transit and had loosed the critters who were now apparently attacking their screaming heroic ‘brethren.’

Damnest thing I ever did see. Okay speaking of the can, storytime’s over, git!