[No Honor – 1]

I naturally look much younger than I am, that’s for sure. I mean, shit, I can’t grow more than a tiny patch of what looks like nut-fuzz on my chin, even if I waited an entire month, and I’m well over 30. But when I look in the car’s rear-view mirror, I know I can easily pass for 22 without even trying. For the past three days I purposefully haven’t washed my hair or taken a shower. It’s perfect because my hair is just messy enough to look like it was done on purpose, but yet not. Even though it was, it’s immaculately idiotic. The clothes are equally as simple. The local college football shirt I have on was specifically chosen because the numbers on the back are of the quarterback from two full seasons ago. This with the pre-grunged designer jeans in complete contrast with the brand-new custom-made $240 bright-orange running sneakers complete the tableau of the rich-boy douche-bag.

Getting out of the car and hearing the heavy metal door slam I can’t help but look back at the sheer perfection of ‘borrowing’ the trashed green 1978 Volare from the drunk loner at the trailer park down the road from my short-stay apartment building. Here we are in the 2020s, and all I needed was a wire coat-hanger – priceless. In my line of work, it isn’t always about meeting the people with money but also those who you can easily manipulate, confuse, and ultimately exploit due to their overall life ignorance. Actually, scratch that, it isn’t ignorance. That implies they just don’t know or understand, these people are just fucking stupid; which defined means that they simply couldn’t be taught if I sat them down and explicitly explained what I’m about to do step-by-step. Yeah stupid is the operative word. I met the drunk a few weeks ago at a little off-ramp eight-stool bar at 2:30pm on a Tuesday. Yeah exactly what you are thinking; useless and visibly depressed. All I had to say to the bartender was that I just lost my job and in under 10 minutes I had the drunk rambling on about where he lives (because it sucks), what kind of car he has (because it sucks), and that he lives alone (because that really sucks). Anyway, I’m ‘borrowing’ his car for less than an hour. He’ll never know I took it since I had already cased his ramshackle trailer for the past three days tracking his movement. He normally doesn’t go anywhere between noon and 5:00pm. I figured the day I met him he was having a special day. So just to be sure I made today a special day too; I dropped a fifth of Kentucky swill on his front porch with a “here’s to ya” note from Jim. I figure he has to know a Jim. He’s probably happily asleep, deep in the waters of blissful <*-stupidity-*>.

Anyway the car is perfect because the only way anyone would ever drive one of these shit cars in this day-and-age is either you are a complete trailer-trash scud or in my case; a rich trust-fund kid who doesn’t care what anyone thinks of him.

I’m Johnathan Tucker Carrigan, the third son of the local car dealership mogul; Russell Trenton Carrigan. I’m a professional college student in my 7th year of a standard 4 year BA program. My dad owns six large car dealerships in the outlying counties; two Ford, one Mercedes, one Lexus and two Dodge dealerships. That’s what made me think of jacking the broke-dick Plymouth Volare: his Dodge dealerships – I thought it was a nice touch. About a month ago, sweating my ass off in full polyester, I spent about two hours phishing for info on the local golf course to find out that Johnathan is the one out of five Carrigan boys who is almost never seen in public.

Oh because my name isn’t really Johnathan Carrigan, although that is what my driver’s license says that I’ll be showing the bank teller in the next few minutes as I move some trust-fund money around.

My name is Zander, Zan to my guildies, but ‘shhhh’ about that for now. I’m a hacker, simple as that, and not one of those Apple-user pansy-ass video-game-password thieves, but a real old-school H@x0r. I mean dude, it even says so etched on my silver plated 9mm USP Tactical that’s tucked away in my waist-line holster.

Anyway, on to a quick $250k.

– Z@nder

 

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[825] Words : RoE